The Fall of Shame

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed. Genesis 2:25

It’s the last three words for me.

If it can be true for two people, why can’t it be true for more? Can freedom have the freedom to be life giving among believers of the same Spirit? Now, I know marriage is sacred and the strongest bond mankind can display but it’s also a demonstration of God’s love for His people. A bond that evicts shame.

If you think this letter is about marriage, let me help you real quick, it is :) However, not the kind that says “I do” but the kind that declares “your husband is your Maker” Isaiah 54:5. To be more specific, this is about my break-up with shame and the community that demonstrated God’s love to do it.

But first let me share I how I define shame: the practice of punishing personhood due to an abuse, deficiency or lie. For example, guilt says I made a mistake but shame says I am a mistake.

Is it me or does Genesis 3:9-11 capture an age old conversation?

Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, 

“Where are you?”

So he said, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” And He said,

“Who told you that you were naked?...”

There’s more to that verse but just pausing at the question what I heard was:

Who told you that you were without cover, without love?

Who told you that you need to hide from Me and handle it yourself?

Who told you that you make a better god than Me?

Nanfo, who told you lack was something to accept?

When I allow scripture to read me or interpret my experiences, it starts to get personal. The word of God starts to get applicable. Just one question can uncover a reservoir of them.

Lately, I have had some questions for myself about how and why these childhood tendencies and beliefs still see the light of day. God has been pruning me here so I can bear more fruit, another way of saying mature in Christ. For the most part, when I think of my childhood, I think of the high note moments but it's also where my weird, unstable perception of money took shape. Even though I was exposed to abundance and liberty, the opposite seemed more reliable and consistent. Mind you, my name means wealth.

In 2012, I did not know how coming to Howard University would unearth my childhood agreement with lack. Four years later I felt it when the worst thing finally happened, I was not allowed to graduate. Essentially, I was kicked out of school not for academic but financial reasons. We’re talking $37,405.77 reasons. I tell you, no amount of faith will circumvent works because both are His law. The work I attempted to do came up short, very short; I paid off roughly $1000 on my own. So Jehovah-Jireh, my provider, who will have His glory and irony used my school to initiate a resolve.

Huhhhhhhh?!!!

His mercy does something to my brain!

The very people I owed wanted to help me?!!!

By the way, owing the school differs from owing the government. The debt I incurred was a back balance to the school not a student loan which had a much shorter timeline to repay. Loans were not an option which in retrospect I thank God!

But wait there's more! What happened next will baffle you as it did me. 

If you’re reading in your head, please say this part out loud: “Money will not stop God’s work”

This is a saying we have in BCF, a campus ministry that has really become family to me since moving to the east coast. By February 2018, my situation had become too big to hide so the leadership and students volunteered to raise funds for me to finish school. The weight of their decision floored me, I did not ask let alone expect them to stand in the gap like this. I wasn’t from the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) and some barely knew me but they were ready to show me inconceivable, irrevocable kindness.

Y’all, I cried. I ugly cried.

You see there was another serious situation, outside of my control, happening simultaneously. The kind that would justify moving back home and finishing there. But I knew if I did I would not finish school so God sent back-up.

For those trying to make the math work, here’s the deal that my college offered: Any amount I could raise they would match. In the span of about seven months, my community raised a little over $18K and my school held up their part of the bargain. The money raised and paid on my behalf at no point passed through my hands or my bank account. Boundaries with money is a sign of reverence to God and vision. 

The way this testimony defied my lack theology (eewwwhhh) it might as well have defied gravity…jk but not really.

Sometimes the worst things need to happen for us to know that it is not our God. Yes, I graduated the following year but the real victory was that the life-long stronghold and bondage of shame had been obliterated. Heavy on the obliteration please!

I promise it was a domino effect because it knocked down shame in other areas of my life.

After seeing Him show up this way, I cannot unsee Him. I cannot unsee this revelation I have about suffering revealing glory. But I also cannot unsee the systems that would perpetuate shame in that situation. 

Unfortunately, our culture accommodates superstition. There’s an unspoken rule that if we vocally express our vulnerability, we open the door for evil influences. So we keep our struggles secret as well as our testimonies. This practice gives power to the enemy and allows the fear of man to creep in. But family, it is the “fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom…”. Proverbs 1:7 We are effective when we fear God not man.

Why am I ending with this?

Adam and Eve, our first look at community, believed a lie and acted on it. That lie introduced the shame that silences us till today; that once silenced me. But we don't have to wait for something epic to happen to breach that contract. 

I say this because our culture wants us to conform to a facade where we appear to thrive irrespective of what it takes to actually thrive. Beloved, we measure growth in Christ by fruit not by outward appearances. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

Let’s be the generation, beyond the African one, that puts our accuser to shame with our bold, unapologetic testimony of Jesus! I encourage us to allow scripture to inform how we engage with the people and things we hold close so they do not take His place. 

So that we do not exalt the gift (culture, community, spouse etc.) over the ever perfect Giver. 

So that “they were not ashamed” can be our reality in life, marriage and community.

I pray the person reading this discovers strength in my testimony of Jesus, it is the spirit of prophecy Revelation 19:10. There is much more I wanted to share but this is what made the cut so the full Howard testimony might be a separate blog on its own. Also, by no means this is only applicable to one people group, I’m just speaking from my personal experience. There is much I appreciate about my culture, the love for plantain included, but my earnest desire and energy will always go to what builds the believer in Christ. 

Grace and peace fam.